Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
