You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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