Im at strip club and am horny
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
