please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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