It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
