Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
