porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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