the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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