Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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