whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
