my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
