My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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