Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
