hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
