I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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