I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
