He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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