what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
