i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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