i think my tv is drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
