She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
