I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
