I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize