am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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