A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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