I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize