even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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