I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
