I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes