I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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