You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.