I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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