Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
