on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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