i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
