No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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