Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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