theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
