every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
