i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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