I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
His nipple licking is glorious
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