I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
