ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
