i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
