I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
