my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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