Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
