Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
being pregnant is like rehab
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
