I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
