Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
