its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
