Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
