Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
