I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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