Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
