My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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