is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
