Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
