I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
