About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pants are for mortals
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
