i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
