Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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