I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
