I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
