Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
