I think my vagina is haunted
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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