Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
