we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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