Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize