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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
