I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize