Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
