We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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