Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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