I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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