So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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