I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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