I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
