You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
