I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
