Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
