wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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